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HIVI UMECHEKA LEO??? HEBU BOFYA HAPA
mlevi ahisi kuwa yeye ni mungu
Da!!! Pombe mbaya sana. Mlevi katangaza baa kuwa ana
wasiwasi kuwa yeye ni
MUNGU!!!!.
akaulizwa kwa nini anafikiri
vile? MLEVI: "kwa sababu kila nikifika
mtaani kwangu nasikia watu
wananiambia MUNGU WANGU
UMELEWA TENA???" Nikifika BAR naambiwa "MUNGU
WANGU UMERUDI TENA???" nikifika POLICE POST mkuu wa
ki tuo ananiambia, "MUNGU
WANGU HUJAACHA 2 POMBE???" nikiendesha baiskeli utasikia tu
"MUNGU WANGU ATAFIKA
KWELI???" walevi wenzake wakasema
"MUNGU WANGU WEEee.....
Chizi kapelekwa hospitali,...!!!
Chizi mmoja kapelekwa hospitali.
Dr:Una tatizo gani?
Chizi: Nikilala hua naota nyani wanacheza mpira.
Dr:Itabidi nikupe dawa ili usiote tena.
Chizi:Labda unipe kesho maana leo ndio wanacheza fainali!!
Mkwe kama huyu hatari....
MKWE:yaani unakuja kuposa binti yangu uku unatafuna big G?
JAMAA:mdomo unanuka nilivuta sigara.
MKWE:na sigara unavuta? JAMAA:nilivuta jana nilipokunywa pombe wkt niko club.
MKWE:eeeh!! Hadi pombe unakunywa?
JAMAA:nilijifunza wkt niko jela.
MKWE:mtumee...na kufungwa ulishafungwa...!!!
JAMAA:yeah niliua.
MKWE:astafighuillah!kumbe muuaji?
JAMAA:kuna mzee alinikatalia posa kwa bnt yake nikamuulia mbali...
MKWE:eeeh...haina shida kijana harusi tufanye lini?
shemeji nomaaaa!!!!
Jamaal kaenda kwa mke wa rafiki
yake;
JAMAA: Shemeji,nimekutamani
MKE: Hebu ondoka hapa, unafikiri
rafiki yako akisikia hayo mambo
atasemaje?
JAMAA: Kama nikikulipa shilingi
milioni 1 je?
MKE: Njoo kesho mchana wakati
jamaa yako yuko ofisini
... Kesho yake jamaa akaja na
milioni, akampa Shem, wakamaliza
biashara bila matatizo yoyote. Jioni
mume karudi;
MUME: Vipi salama hapa?
MKE :Salama.
MUME: Huyu rafiki yangu alileta
shilingi milioni moja hapa.
MKE: (Kwa mshangao na kusita)
Ndi- ndio
MUME: Huyu jamaa ndio
ninapompendea hapohapo, ni
mwaminifu sana, asubuhi kaja
kuazima milioni akanihakikishia
angekuja kuileta kabla siku
haijaisha!!!!
Ukiwa na mke kama huyu lazima utajirike
An old married couple is travelling by car. Being advanced in age, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for TSH 350,000.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth TSH 350,000 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that TSH 350,000 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the cheque book, he asked his wife to write the cheque. She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. "But ma'am, this is made out for only TSH 50,000."
"That's correct. I charged you TSH 300,000 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
mambo ya songea hayo
Jamaa kamuaga mkewe anaenda semina Songea kwa wiki nzima kumbe kahamia kwa demu nyumba ya pili toka kwake. Siku ya 1 kalala asubuhi alipoamka kachungulia kwake kukoje, si kamuona jamaa yuko nje ya nyumba yake kavaa taulo lake anapiga mswaki. Akapiga kelele, 'We nani?', Jamaa akajibu, 'Mshikaji mambo ya mjini, mume wa huyu demu kasafiri kaenda Songea mi ndo najivinjari hapa'. Mume kajibu kwa uchungu, Shenzi mkubwa, ngoja nirudi toka Songea nakuua.